“Lord, Is It Jessica?”

Dear Journal,

I know that this is a journal about the things I’m grateful for, and the last thing I should be writing about is how terrible my life is, but today was just terrible. We had the ward Linger Longer, which was a potluck, and thanks to Relief Society President Jessica’s obsessive “No-meat November” health kick, almost NO ONE bought meat dishes. Just these pathetic ham sandwiches from the elderly woman who does the choir stuff.  Literally every dish served had quinoa in it. What even is quinoa?!? Does anybody even know, or is it just something we all pretend to be into, like Kale? (Which was also at the Linger Longer IN ABUNDANCE, I might add…) I am not happy.

This whole ordeal has just left me wondering about the fate of my ward. I DON’T know how we’ll ever feed Christ’s sheep when we can’t even feed our members adequately. Jesus HAD A FISH TO START WITH when he fed the 5,000. Not once did he ever eat quinoa as far as the scriptures are concerned. I’ve been so upset with all this meat-less-ness that I took it in prayer to Heavenly Father. I was just like, “Heavenly Father, all I wanted today was to end my fast with some of the flesh of animals you have provided for us to have dominion over, and all I got was a face full of some super grain. I know we have been counseled to not chose to take offense, but I can’t help but ask you – Lord, is it Jessica? Because it certainly isn’t I.

I hate everyone, and Jessica is to blame. I know that hate isn’t righteous, but neither is Jessica’s radical interpretation of the Word of Wisdom. What’s next – we can’t have green tea at our Linger Longers? It’s an utter catastrophe in the 154th ward, I’ll tell you. If they ever ask me to sustain Jessica for her calling I will not be raising my arm, because I cannot sustain someone who treats their calling with such callousness, not to mention a complete lack of care for others.

So, Heavenly Father, please soften Jessica’s protein-deprived heart immediately so I can start magnifying my calling better. Please also help her not to use Papyrus on ALL the handouts she gives us. We all thought it was pretty cool at first, that someone knew how to use Word you know, but that was 2002, and TIMES ARE CHANGING JESSICA, AND PAPYRUS IS ONLY FOR FASCIMILES IN THE PEARL OF GREAT PRICE.  Amen.

After I prayed about this matter, I immediately knew that God would help Jessica become a better person. I truly love prayer. I hope if my posterity get anything from this entry its that praying for others to change will certainly yield spiritually powerful results.

Modern day insight - delivered to your inbox