There are annual conferences, and then there are Vivint annual conferences. Last weekend, Vivint hosted what attendees described as, “the raddest thing since shaker bottles”, with more than six of its representatives passing out from pre-workout overdose.
A company with a reputation as swoll as Vivint’s would usually struggle to find a large enough location for its muscle-filled sales galas, but thanks to the Great and Spacious Building’s integrated, automatic technology solutions, the event managed itself.
“It enabled us to focus on what’s really important,” said spokesperson, Chad Michael-Murphy, “The roof was practically on fire with Imagine Dragons beatz, and we all got in a good brag about our sales figures this year.” “Which”, he added with a wink, “were pretty freakin’ high thanks to me taking off my wedding ring all summer…”
The scent of testosterone and Axe body spray enhanced the energy of the room for the duration of the night, which ended with an inspirational speech from CEO, Tad Peterson, who said, “I love you guys! …No homo.” before turning the time over to a keynote speaker, The Provo All-star, and thrust-dancing his way off stage.
Thanks to the abundance of mirrors lining the Great and Spacious Building’s interior, Instagram lit up with photos when Vivint bros treated followers to numerous ab-selfies the entire night, though only a select few were swoll enough to be featured by the Provo All-Star. (We love you.)
Reportedly, no one has seen any of the party’s guests since the conference, either because they’re exhausted from all the fist-pumping, or because BYU lost its football game against USU the following day.
Registration for next year’s event has already begun. According to the site, “Tickets are free! We’ll just need to get your credit card number, blood type, first-born son, and any other personal information you have on hand, and we’ll have those tickets on their way to you absolutely free – no strings attached!”