It’s a jungle out there for us single folk. Dating apps like Bumble and Tinder have come along to make it easier, but seem to just make dating even more competitive and superficial. But let me tell you: of the countless hours I have spent mindlessly swiping through Mutual (for those of you who don’t know, it’s essentially Mormon Tinder), it is really starting to feel like I’m seeing the same four or five profiles over and over.
Bros, brothers, brethren: I’m here to help you out. Let me show you what EVERY OTHER GUY is doing so that you know what to avoid if you want to stand out.
1. Gym Selfies
“Do you even lift?” is not usually one of my first questions on a date or when I’m getting to know someone. It tells me what you want me to notice about you, which is not your personality.
2. Being “Outdoorsy”
For some reason, the word “adventure” seems to be a requirement to slip in to your Mutual profile in some way for both men and women. Maybe it’s an SEO thing? Who knows. I’m not saying hide your passion for bouldering or cliff jumping if you are into that stuff. Just don’t feel like you need to make yourself look like a lumberjack to impress us.
3. Shirtless Pics
We get it. You are proud of your six pack, or your dad bod, whichever. Some of you are a little more subtle with this, putting pictures from a beach trip or something that you just “happen” to be shirtless in. Points for that. But when it comes to relationships, girls are led more by their emotions than their eyes, generally speaking. So give us something to connect to, not just something to ogle at.
4. Answering “Both” to the Sky-diving or Shark-diving question
You would not believe how many guys use this. It was slightly funny the first time I saw it, but now it’s just lazy and unoriginal. (A close second to this would be telling me you are great at dad jokes. It is just something everybody puts. Prove it or don’t say it.)
5. Snapchat and Instagram handles in your bio
Giving girls more electronic ways to communicate with you seems like a slick way of getting out of interacting with them in person. Chat with them, get to know them, maybe meet in real life, and THEN she can boost your follower count.
6. Having no bio at all.
Some guys seem to have not gotten the memo that Mutual is a dating app, not just a catalog of pictures to flip through. Don’t be lazy, show some personality!
7. Wasting one of your FIVE allowed pictures on a picture of a vehicle
Repeat after me: I am not a motorcycle. I am not a Jeep. I am not a truck. I am not a tractor.
8. Pictures with babies and/or cute animals
Ok, I’m not telling you to stop this one, because look how adorable these are. And guys, you really don’t need to specify in your bio that it isn’t your kid. Especially if you are, like, 21 and all of your other pictures are of your mission homecoming last week.
Being “nice to women” should really be a default, so this is … troubling.
And there you have it. That’s all you need to do if you ever want to get OFF of Mutual and graduate from the singles ward. Happy swiping!
ATTENTION GUYS: I’m wanting to write a similar article about girls profiles but I can’t do the same level of research for obvious reasons, so tell me the things you wish girls would stop putting on their profiles!