How I Will Be Celebrating My Valentine’s Day Alone

One of my favorite times of the year is February, said no one ever. I do, however, enjoy watching the anxious, crazed faces of my friends in relationships as they race around trying to think up the best date idea possible for the person who’s likely to marry their best friend in a lovely June wedding they’ll be invited to. I, thankfully, am free from the nonsense called “relationships”, “dating”, and “seeking a companion to have eternal increase through a temple marriage with”. Instead, I will enjoy my Valentine’s Day the way it should be celebrated, ALONE.

Before you think me a scrooge-faced cherub, let me share with you the plans I have. After viewing this list, you may even find yourself adopting my Valentine’s Motto “TREAT YO SELF” for the holiday.

Get a Heart-Shaped Pizza

Honestly, I really don’t care if you hate pizza, are on a diet, or have a glutton allergy. You best be gettin’ yo-self a HEART. SHAPED. PIZZA. It is a day to celebrate your love, with yourself, and you deserve the best. Pizzas of this shape are rare and are inherently better tasting. So check out your local pizza place, or Papa Murphy’s, and TREAT YO SELF to a heart-shaped pizza.

Pick Up Several Bottles of Sparkling Cider

Remember, this is a day to celebrate love. So, drinking three bottles of Martinelli’s is absolutely acceptable. Sure that would be several hundred grams of sugar, but you don’t have anyone to impress tonight. This is all about you. Yes your pancreas will probably hate you for several days, and you might get sick, but that’s what 1pm church is for the next day.

Don Your Comfy Pants

If you didn’t go pick up the pizza and cider in your sweats, you’re already a better person than me. Since you’re home tonight, it’s time to get shlubby. Sweatpants, oversized shirts, a large towel instead of a napkin, things of this nature. My suggestion to keep this classy is to buy a nice fancy glass/goblet to drink out of. This will likely do wonders for your self-esteem.

Pick Your Viewing Poison

Some folks are gonna just pick up where the left off on Friends or Grey’s, but some of y’all might be feeling a bit adventurous. Try something new! Maybe put on a weird foreign film? A comedy to laugh loudly at? Maybe a romance film so you have an excuse to cry into your napkin/towel about being #foreveralone? All great options.


Because you’re not a total bore, add a bit of spice to your loveless life. Have a lonely banana sundae-bar, maybe loom-knit scarves for your future cats, or pull out your replica Harry Potter wand and join Harry, Ron, and Hermione in casting spells while you binge watch the movies. Idk. I’ve never done any of these things ever…. SOOO yeah, do something memorable you can tell your posterity (or cats) about in the future.

Whatever you end up doing on Valentine’s Day alone, embrace it. Make it your own. And let us know what you end up doing.

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