Vatican to Host Global Meeting of Faith Leaders to Discuss Inception Theories

Adam fell, but did the top?

SALT LAKE CITY – Religious leaders and scholars from a variety of different faiths will attend a global meeting later this month, with the sole intent of “really getting to the bottom of that whole Inception thing”.

The Catholic church has been notoriously passionate about the meaning of the movie, Inception, and is excited to unite with religious leaders to crack it.

“We’re all kidding ourselves if we think we can figure out what the heck Christopher Nolan was thinking when he produced what most of us consider Christianity’s Biggest Conundrum,” said LDS Presiding Bishop, Gerard Cause. “Gay marriage aside, we’re just hoping that combining the varying measures of the Holy Ghost that each of our faiths has will help us reach enlightenment.”

Said President Eyring of the affair, “I don’t support Pope Francis “Everything was a dream” theory one bit. Even if that were the case, it simply begs the question – what was Nolan trying to tell us in the dream? And why have none of us developed the gift of the interpretation of dreams sufficient to gain understanding?

President Uchtdorf commented, “I once flew a plane like the one in that movie.” In his usual cadence he continued, “It was very big.”

The premise of a three-level level dream has caused quite a bit of contention among some faith leaders. Cardinal Roberto Spaghettini stated, “It is the position of the Catholic Church that all three levels of dreaming are actually just one dream. Three in one, as it were.” The protestant parties protested this by stating, “The dreams were totally separate, but were also one. If you know what we mean.” No one really did.

In the awkward pause afterwards, President Packer stated clearly and eloquently that “the dreams are separate and distinct dreams. As evidence, we have the one in the water, because of all the rain outside. We have the second floating around above, because the gravity stopped. Then we have the third, which came in the form of a white dove-like secret Russian base. Obviously three separate dreams, but one in purpose.” This logic was lost on the leaders at the meeting.

On the topic of the perpetually spinning top, Catholic leaders have a clear stance. “Obviously the top stayed up. The state of mind which Leo DiCaprio’s character found himself in with his children is obviously better than any other state had the top toppled over, or fallen. It is better for him to have stayed in that state of happiness.” said Cardinal Spaghettini.

Elder Bednar was very quick to refute it, in five clear points, which he outlined before beginning. “It is simply understood doctrine to the members of my faith that ‘the top fell that DiCaprio might be.’” He continued expertly, “If the top had not fallen, then DiCaprio would have had to remain in an endless state of dreaming, experiencing no joy because he knew no misery, and experiencing no pleasure because he knew no pain. It is better for the top to have fallen – for all of us.”



* This is a satirical post. It’s information and quotes are made up.

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