The Baby Game: How Long Will the Newlyweds Wait?

 

Whenever I get a wedding announcement, I play a little game. It’s called “lets see if I can guess how long it will take the newlyweds in the ward to have a baby!” Everyone in the household must guess. Whoever wins, gets a prize! (Mostly bragging rights.) After you guess, here’s how to tip the hand in your favor.

If you guessed 1-6 months after I Do: GET BABY ON THEIR MIND!
  • Be sure to tag the bride and groom in any and every cute/funny baby video you can find on YouTube!
  • Ask them when they are wanting children every chance you get.  (Even if they already told you!)
  • Gift them a framed The Family: A Proclamation to the World for their wedding!
  • Show off the new little babies of your family/ward (whether its your baby or not.)
  • Make sure that bride has a baby in hand in every Relief Society class!
  • Make sure that groom has a baby in hand in every Priesthood class!
If you guessed 6 months -1 year: LOW-KEY SABOTAGE
  • If you are in the Primary presidency…BONUS POINTS! The newlyweds should have a nursery calling ASAP.  After smelling dirty diapers and wiping boogers for a few Sundays, the cute couple is sure to remain an even number!
  • If you are the owner of a fussy baby, pawn off that child during Sacrament Meeting to those poor unfortunate souls. The more children you have, the better.
If you guessed 1 year or more: FUR BABIES ALL THE WAY!
  • Tag the bride and groom in any and every cute/funny puppy or kitten video you can find on YouTube!
  • Find out their favorite breed. Now go buy a puppy/kitty of this breed for yourself! Then, guilt the new couple into petsitting for you!  After a few weeks of this (while the animal is in the “Baby Stage”), tell them you can no longer keep it because you have allergies!
But seriously, folks…

Obviously, these things are awful and tasteless ways to win a made-up game. If you are newlyweds or engaged, please be aware that all these things can happen or be said to you. Remember, the making and make-up of your new little family is between you, your spouse and the Lord! Now, laugh and tag those annoying relatives/ward members who have done one of these things to you.

*For anyone who notices that they have played this game with newlyweds in your family or ward (on purpose or not), be sure to be sensitive when nosing around in a new couple’s business.  Unless you are a very close friend or relative of the couple, you probably shouldn’t ask when they are having kids.  Ever.  Take a moment and think of all the ways you could put your foot in your mouth.  (Did infertility come to your mind?) Why don’t you ask them when they are getting a pet?  That’s a safer conversation.

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