How can millennials better spiritually deal with depression, anxiety, and self harm? -Depressed Convert
“You choose to be happy.” “You choose how you feel” Every time I heard anyone saying that to me, my blood boiled. If I choose to be happy then why does it feel that being happy isn’t one of the choices? It didn’t feel like I was unhappy. It didn’t even feel like I was upset, happy, excited or any other emotion. I was numb. Small every day activities felt like they were going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do. Getting out of bed wasn’t just standing up and going. It was opening my eyes, moving my hand to the top of my blanket, putting one foot out, putting the other foot out, sitting up and then finally standing out of my bed. Eating was even a harder process. But why? Why couldn’t I just wake up? Why couldn’t I just do actions? I would ask myself that every day. I still do ask myself that. The answer to that question came to me the end of my first semester in college.
There I was. In a new place without my parents telling me what to do. No friends and hating my life. If I didn’t worthless before I came to college I definitely felt this way now. I hated my roommates. I hated trying to please Mormons that I knew were more fake than any of the bimbos I went to high school with. Why did any of this matter? The end of the semester cam quickly and I hated where I was and what I was doing and didn’t feel like I had a choice in anything I was doing. In comes that numb feeling again. So I went home for Christmas. As I was home for Christmas I realized my bedroom wasn’t my room anymore. I had to stay in the basement on a futon. What was worse than this? Having an easy access to my dad’s entire tool workshop with every tool you could possibly imagine. Every night I would go downstairs and without even think about what I was doing, I would go straight to my dad’s tool set and think of all the ways I would kill myself with that tool. After the third night of doing this something hit me. Why not try? Who would I really be affecting? That thought was the most selfish thing I could have thought. Suicide is the most selfish thing I could have done. That’s when, without even realizing what I was doing, knelt. I didn’t say anything at first and than I cried. It was the first time since my freshman year of high school that I felt something. So I prayed. I needed something and I didn’t even know what. But He was there.
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were the only ones there when everything else seemed to be falling apart. The Atonement of Jesus Christ can and will play a part of your life every single day if you allow it to. Let Him in and He will heal you.
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